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“Conflict: Don’t Fight It, Manage It” by Eric Garner
Conflict is an ever-present reality whenever people work together. It can manifest itself in differences of view, differences of opinion, differences of personality, and differences of interest. But conflict doesn’t have to be destructive. If the right options are chosen to handle conflict – either as a strategy or as a tactical choice – the result can be of huge benefit to both sides. These are the 7 options you have.
Fritz Perls called the “I win you lose” approach to conflict “the peace of conquest”. He goes on to say, “The peace of conquest, where the victim is still in existence and must be dominated is, as peace, a negation: the suffering of the conflict has ceased but the figure of awareness is not alive with new possibilities, for nothing has been solved. The victor is watchful, the victim resentful. In social wars, we see that such negative peace is not stable, there are too many unfinished situations.”
Quite simply, when you use "win-lose" on others, you encourage them to find ways to use "win-lose" back on you.
The story is told of a newcomer to an African village who became frightened by wolves at night so he threw them some antelope meat to appease them. The next morning he had the whole pack at his door.
"We’ve proved it again and again,
That if once you have paid him the Dane-Geld;
You never get rid of the Dane." (Rudyard Kipling)
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Copyright © 2007 Eric Garner
Copyright © 2007, The Negotiator Magazine